I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
