go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
