omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
