There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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