Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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