I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
