This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
