after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
