omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
