Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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