then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think people are normalizing furries
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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