it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
