You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
