If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
