I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
