I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
