He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
