Yo dont text me then not text me
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.