that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.