dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
