Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.