nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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