there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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