So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
