I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
