I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
and she was petting her beer can
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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