yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
