I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
