he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
