there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
