I heard we made out
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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