My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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