If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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