i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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