I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
