I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
