Too much gin, very little bucket
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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