I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
