new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
