biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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