I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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