He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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