Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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