so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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