If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize