I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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