two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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