well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I want a musical about memes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
