Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
