I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she peed on how many people?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
