I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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