I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
