Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
