You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
