guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
