I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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