i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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