I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
