Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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