So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
