Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
