D3 body, D1 cock
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
