come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
