sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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