i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
