The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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