I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
