dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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