What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
