what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
