I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
love makes seman taste better
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
