I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
