I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
meet me or not, i'm out of control
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
