This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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