i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I am midnight drunk by noon
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
