Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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