You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
