I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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