you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You made out with two different species that night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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